"I have hidden Your word in my heart..."
Psalm 119:11a
We have all heard the above verse at one time or another. But what does it mean? How do you "hide" scripture in your heart?
One of the greatest gifts, I believe, my mom ever gave to me was Bible verse memorization. It was a part of our family culture- every week she would pick out a verse for us to work on individually and share with one another at the end of the week. I don't remember loving this practice in my youth, but what a blessing it has been to me in adulthood.
There have been many times in my life where knowing Truth has helped to bolster me, but the time that really stands out the most was when I was carrying my daughter. When Jonas and I had received her diagnosis and knew that she probably would not live outside of my womb, I immediately remembered that she was "fearfully and wonderfully made" and that "all (her) days were ordained before one of them came to be." I held on to the promise that God's plans were "not to harm (me OR her) but to give (us) hope and a future." I called upon His mercies that are new every morning and would fall on my knees in tears still claiming how great is His faithfulness. I was comforted that He would "strengthen (me) and help (me)" and that He would. "uphold me with His righteous right hand." These verses are just a handful of the scriptures that my family had worked to learn in my early years and they were what came to mind again and again during those months.
After my daughter had passed and was buried, my mind whirled constantly trying to find the "good" in her death. I couldn't understand how any of it was good. If the One who made her had made her broken, how could He be considered good? In those months, my thoughts worked overtime trying to make sense of it all. I was unravelling. Because if I were to entertain that God is not good, then He couldn't be perfect. And if He is not perfect, then the Bible is wrong. And if the Bible is wrong, then my hope and faith are misplaced. And if my hope and faith are misplaced then what is the purpose of anything and how does it all end and what is for us after this life???
Shew.
That is WAY more than any grieving mind needs to process. So I stopped. I assessed what I believe and it is this: I believe that the Bible is true which means that I believe God is perfect and unchanging. In both Malachi and Hebrews it is proclaimed that the Lord is unchanging. I believe that. My circumstances and emotions change constantly, but He does not. Therefore, my feelings or what is happening around me cannot dictate who He is. I may not be able to see any "good" in the loss of our daughter, but I can rest that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts- His are higher and better. And while we can continue to learn more of who He is and dive deeper into His heart, we will never be able to fully fathom all of who He is. That realization has led my mind to a place where it can rest- I don't have to figure it all out.
And there it is: why knowing His words matter. If I had not already had those truths buried deep in my heart and mind, I would not have been able to walk through the pregnancy, death and burial of my girl without disassembling everything that I had believed. If I had had to google "bible verse about..", you fill in the blank, I would not have had context and understanding to support those truths.
Reading and studying God's word is so important, and it's something I strive to be more faithful in pursuing. But it is also so critical to hide those words in your heart; ready to pull forth when your world turns upside down.
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